Sad, Beautiful, Tragic
by Goodbye0Love
Summary: Finchel-Oneshot inspired by the Taylor Swift Song "Sad Beautiful Tragic". After Rachel Breaks up with Finn, he remembers their past memories and realizes that he can't continue like that. I hope you guys like it:)


He remembers the day like it was yesterday. When she admitted that she had kissed Brody. How was that possible? They had wanted to get married for God's sake. And he still remembers how he ran away, from her and from the pain – a pain he thought he would never feel again. That night in New York. The longer he thinks about that night out, the clearer it becomes to him now, how deep down maybe this whole mess is for the better.

It all changed her. The life in the big city, NYADA...everything. And he knows that probably he has to take a part of the blame too. He let her alone on her own in a big city when she needed him the most. And he was...well...drowning in self-pity. Doesn't make the pain get any better.

Today is the big day. Sectionals are at Dalton Academy this year. He can't realize how a whole year passed again. The last time, he was just an 18-year- boy that thought he knew the way life works, or the way it plays you. He would have never thought that one year later, it would all be over again.

He looks in the mirror. It took him a few weeks after he and Rachel broke up for like the fourth time to see his face in the mirror and not feel ashamed. For the man he is or maybe yet still has to become. The dark grey suit really fits him fine. The last time he wore it, it was to dinner out with Rachel's family. He was a nervous wreck, knowing her dads practically hated him for breaking up with her and putting her through a lot of pain. He couldn't forgive himself then for being so stupid and hurting her like that. But Rachel did and that was all that mattered. She could make him feel like he was able to achieve everything he wanted. She tought him how to reach for the stars and he would've tried and given everything just to be able to reach out enough to, well, bring them to her. All he needed was her and all they needed was them. At least it felt like that.

"_Does that really look okay?"Finn was totally insecure about himself. He never liked to wear a suit because it was like the complete opposite of what he normally used to wear. "You're the cutest and hottest thing I've ever seen, if that's, what you want to hear.", he felt too small arms being wrapped around his waist and saw Rachel's head pop up next to his body in the mirror. He still couldn't help but chuckle about their height difference. Not that Rachel was weak, she knew what she wanted and well, knew how to get it. She was the most determined person he knew. Not that that was a bad thing. "Sure sounds good", a mischievous grin spread across Finn's face and with that he turned around and pulled Rachel in for a kiss. It was gentle and sweet and lingered for a few minutes. He was determined, too. Determined that their love could last forever. Once they pulled apart Finn took one last look in the mirror before he turned back to Rachel. "Have I ever told you, how much I love you?", Finn asked."Aha, so that's what the kiss was for, I started to get worried" A small chuckle escaped Finn's mouth and Rachel looked in his cinnamon brown eyes. She couldn't help but feel lucky. Lucky that Finn was in love with her and that she seemed to be the one for him – at least for now. She never would have thought something like that during their Sophomore-year at Highschool. The many nights she cried for Finn didn't feel worthless anymore. She loved him and that was all that mattered. But she also noticed the change in Finn's mood every now and then. Since he didn't get his football-scholarship he was more quiet than usual and much more often he looked sad...discouraged. "Finn. You just have to know that I love you too and no matter what might happen in the future, I'll be there for you and together we will make it through anything. I promise. I love you." The way she looked him in the eyes, that sparkle that shined in her own, it made him love her even more._

Well, reality looks somewhat different. Rachel is not with him. She is in New York with that Brody guy and probably has the time of her life. Shouldn't he have known that it would be like this? That he wouldn't be able to hold on to her...that at some point, he wouldn't be enough anymore? He should have known.

As he then searches for the Sectional's setlist he put in in his suitpocket (at least this is where he thinks he put it) he finds a little note, folded carefully and written on pink paper. At the bottom there is a little goldstar put next to the name. _Her_ name. While reading the words he feels like being stabbed by a dagger.

"_Dear Finn, I love you, no matter what. I love you for everything you do to me. For being a gentleman, for being the best boyfriend ever and mostly...for being matter what happens, you are the one for me. Together we will find a way. You're the one that means the most to me. Please make sure, that you will never forget that.:*_

_Yours, Rachel"_

"_**Long handwritten note, deep in your pocket,**_

_**words, how little they mean when you're a little too late"**_

He can't believe it. All the pain that he tried to supress for so long and that he thought was not as strong as the will to feel nothing at all anymore, it comes up because of just one little note. One little note out of a time in which he would have believed each oneof those words ...he did. And he knows that Rachel meant each one of those words when she wrote them. But sometimes, words lose their meaning. He was there to let her go but only to make her be able to shine. He never stopped loving her and he knows that she would've never stopped loving him either if she would have never gone. The city changed her. Rachel was gone. At least the Rachel he knew. There wasn't a place for him in the new Rachel's world. The old Rachel is gone although he still feels like standing there, watching the train leave the station and waiting for her to come back. Maybe it is too late. She has found someone new.

_**I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket**_

_**Good girls, hopeful they'll be and long they will wait**_

There isn't a chance for them anymore. He's now realized it. Maybe the note is, what he needed, to face what he knew all along. What Rachel and he had, is gone. And he will appreciate it. Every side of it. The fights, the kisses, the times that they made love. What they had was special and beautiful, but some things are just not supposed to work out.

_**We had...a beautiful, magic love there**_

_**What a sad beautiful, tragic love affair**_

Sectionals were awesome. The New Directions won even though Blaine was with the Warblers again. Actually Finn could understand him in some way. The only thing that held him at McKinley High was Kurt. And now that Kurt has gone too (due to Blaine's cheating) nothing seems to be importantt to him anymore. Although Finn knows that the New Directions were really pissed and disppointed. Which was quite understandable too. At least they thought that Blaine was their friend.

It's around Christmas when Kurt tells him, Rachel and Brody broke up. He doesn't know what to feel, so he doesn't fell as well as say anything at all. Much to Kurt's dismay. "I don't understand you Finn. This is your chance to get her back. Rachel knows that she made a mistake when she broke up with you and I know that you're not doing well...like at all." "Kurt. This all just so complicated, you know. I mean, of course I've been hurting. But for the first time in months I feel somehow good and not like my life has lost any sort of sense. The New Directions are actually doing really, really well and Regionals are just about to happen and we have to practise and I think I'm feeling good like what I do is a good thing and i have a sort of perspective.", Finn could hear Kurt sigh on the other end of the line. "As long as you're happy", is the only answer given to Finn after that.

The truth is, Finn is still hurting, but after a period of time, the pain has become less painfull, like the dagger isn't a dagger anymore. It's really true what they say. Time makes the pain become less painfull and Finn more often finds himself seeing other girls. It seems to be good for him. Well, it like seriously seems to be because he doesn't have to think about the whole Rachel-thing that often anymore. Just sometimes at night, he finds himself having dreams about her and feeling like the old days, when he could talk to her and their future together was planned out like their love had a chance.

_**In dreams, I meet you in warm conversation**_

But, when he wakes up, reality sinks back in and he realizes that Rachel is still gone. That she ain't in the same city anymore and that he just can't pull up to her house and kiss her, or touch her, or make love to her, like he used to do, when her Dads weren't at home. Mostly then he feels uncontrollable lonely.

_**We both wake in lonely beds, different cities**_

_**And time is taking its very sweet time erasing you**_

He couldn't forgive her like that. Not after everything that happened.

_**And you've got your demons and darling,**_

_**they all look like me, cause**_

_**We had...a beautiful, magic love there,**_

_**What a sad beautiful tragic love affair**_

She tries to call him like everyday at some point, but he is not willing to give in. He was so uncontrollably hurt and sad and hurt and it was just tragic. Why did it have to get to this point? They wanted to get married for God's sake. Coming to that realization, he is willing to give in, when she doesn't give up on calling him and even set Kurt on him to make him cooperate.

They meet on Valentine's Day when Rachel and Kurt are both back in Lima for the wedding of Mr. Shuester and Miss Pillsbury. At first it is a little awkward to see her because they both don't know how to behave without causing a total disaster. He doesn't reckognize Rachel. Her old confidence seems to be like completely gone and she just looks so shy and vulnerable. He would like to take her in his arms amd tell her that everything will get better soon and that everything is okay, but he is vulnerable too and that won't change so easily. They talk for what seems to be hours and she tells him everything. How it was in New York and at NYADA since he left back in the fall. How it did work out with Brody and that he cheated on her with her Dance-Teacher, Miss July. "I just can't believe it you know, I was in a complete state of shock. I called him and she anwered the phone and I don't know. I'm sorry Finn, this isn't the time, to talk about this..." "You know I found your little note back then, right before Sectionals, the one that said that you will love me no matter what?""Yes, I wrote it, when you were down and I couldn't stand seeing you like this, I love you Finn." "But this isn't so easy Rachel. Not after everything that happened. You know, you really hurt me, did you even realize that?" "Yes, Finn, and I'm sorry, I now realized, that you truly are the only one for me and that I don't want to without you. I love you. I meant each one of those words back then." She kisses him right after that. It is a sweet, gentle kiss and it lingers a few minutes. "But sometimes words lose their meaning Rachel. We both are not the same anymore."

_**Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting**_

_**silence the train runs off its tracks**_

_**kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?**_

_**Hang up, give up and for the life of us**_

_**We can't get back...**_

_**A beautiful, magic love there**_

_**What a sad... beautiful, tragic love affair**_

_**We had a beautiful, magic love there**_

_**What a sad, beautiful, tracig love affair**_

_**We had a beautiful, magic love there**_

_**What a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair...**_

_Song: Sad, Beautiful, Tragic by Taylor Swift_


End file.
